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MoShow Episode 002, Fecal Fingers - You-sa In A Big Doo Doo Dis Time

This week things go straight to shit when Cait isn't there to keep the boys in check. The Killer Bs use Terms from Enragement to establish common bathroom etiquette for the men's restroom along with a new game called 49 or Florida... maybe it was Florida or 49... Bryce hasn't decided yet. Regardless this is bound to be our crappiest episode ever.

Jar Jar Binks Infinity Gauntlet by Scott Blair

Jar Jar Binks Infinity Gauntlet by Scott Blair

 
Don't Call It A Resolution...

To put it lightly, I’ve developed what some refer to as “a spare tire.” Not in that hot dad-bod kinda way, but in that I’ve let myself go a little too long unchecked for fear of damnation from my scale, kinda way. The way that would undoubtedly confirm that I have in-fact become what health professionals call, overweight; a body once full of potential now lost to Reese's Trees and Golden Double Stuffed Oreos. If 2017 taught me anything it’s that exercise alone will not cure my pudgy condition. I can legitimately say that I visited a gym at-least 70% of the 2017 calendar year, and yet here I sit at the end of it, belt buckle digging into my budding midsection. If my body were a vessel, my cup hath runneth over.

It is because of this I am taking a 2018 initiative to get that true dad-bod I so desire. Why not aim for the chiseled physique of an Abercrombie model you ask? Because I enjoy the comforts of beer, liquor, food, and adventure far too much to subject myself to the strict and oppressive routine required to reduce my fat content to a point in which my abs become as distinct and defined as ancient greek statue. Truth be told I just want to be healthy, and to do so I feel I must also be healthy in spirits… I mean spirit.

How do I plan to achieve such an achievable goal you ask? Easy, through twelve weeks of strict and almost oppressive routine. See, it’s that almost that really makes the difference. I know that by cutting out everything experts deem “unhealthy” will only lead to anger, anger leading to hate, hate to suffering and suffering to me drowning my sorrows in Reese’s and Oreos. By consciously monitoring and actively reducing the things I know prevent me from losing weight, and keeping it off, I can achieve my goal without feeling like I’m excluding myself from experiences I would otherwise find enjoyable.

So what does all that mean? For starters, I’m reducing my dairy intake to as little as possible without committing to none. At a certain point in 2017, I needed to lose a decent amount of weight in a short amount of time and to do so I cut out dairy almost entirely. It worked. In a few weeks I was able to lose enough weight and reduce bloating so that I could fit into a suite I had purchased just twelve months prior. In addition to the dairy repeal, I’m going to try and refrain from drinking more than two beers (or beer equivalents) a week. Why can’t I just quit drinking for 12 weeks? Because I partake in trivia every Tuesday at a local bar, and if you think I’m going to a bar once a week and not having at least one drink then you’re OUT OF YOUR GOD DA… ehm, my apologies, but you get what I’m saying.

Along with monitoring what I know is acting against me, I plan to participate in what is commonly referred to as “meal prep.” In an effort to burn more calories and consume fewer at lunch I’m going to prep meals for the work week on Sunday. In doing this, I can control my calorie intake and save money by not going out for lunch everyday. In addition, if I eat at my desk I can use my lunch break for a bonus cardio round on days I’m not already scheduled to raise my heart rate to “help me Jesus there’s a spider on me” levels.

On the exercise side of things I will be hitting the gym in the morning and using Lee Labrada’s 12-Week Lean Body Daily Trainer program from Bodybuilding.com. This will act as my personal trainer over the twelve week period and help guide me to building muscle while I shed fat. I’ve actually just finished this program, but due to my lack of commitment on dieting, I didn’t get the fat loss results I wanted. Truth be told, I really love this program and more importantly I love the Bodyspace app because it allows me to record my workouts as I perform them, which is important when you’re trying to figure out why you’re still fat-ass after twelve weeks.

With all this said I invite you back to check in on my progress over the next twelve weeks. My plan is to record my experience with fat loss through the next three months, good, bad and ugly. I’ll do my best to document my meals and workouts along with pictures and progress. My goal is to collect enough data that I can determine what worked and didn’t work for future adventures in fitness.

So here’s to 2018… oh, and don’t call it a resolution.